Balance is Bullshit
They’ll never need the same.
They’ll never weigh the same.
And you will very, very rarely have the energy, time, and attention to give to both sectors of your life equally long enough for there to be any sort of balance.
Balance is bullshit. (There’s also no such thing as a 50/50 relationship, but that’s a post for another day.)
There will be times that your kid is sick, or your family is going on vacation, or your 3yo simply refuses to poop on the potty. There will be times that your spouse is struggling, or times when you’re in that first flush of infatuation and dating someone. There will be times when your family is funny and fun and where you want to be.
There will be times when your boss is out sick, or is getting pressure from her boss, or when you are the boss. There will be deadlines and budgets. There will be huge clients to impress and overtime that didn’t get entered correctly and a new coworker to be trained and the company is going public and no one seems to understand that you only get paid for 8 hours each day.
It’s not actually about balance.
YOU are the center of your life. You simply are. Your life revolves around your body, your heart, your soul. You are the hub of the wheel. And wheels don’t stay balanced with one thing over here and one over there - not if they’re moving as wheels were meant to do.
It’s cyclical. And once you accept that you are the center and that you are the one who must hold, it begins to become clear.
For the center to hold, it must be rooted, it must be connected, it must be tended.
Are you rooted, mama? What nourishes you - body, mind, heart, spirit?
Are you connected to your family, to your career, to your calling?
Are you being tended?
Because the world is going to continue to spin you. The road will keep changing from smooth, to gravel, to ruts, sometimes even sheets of ice. Life doesn’t stop and all of those deadlines, bosses, spouses, kids, commitments, illnesses, vacations, wants, needs, pulls, pushes - they are all going to keep rolling around you.
You can try to fix the road. We’re programmed to fix the road.
We optimize our schedules and sync our calendars instead of saying to things and saying yes to spending time on ourselves. That’s focusing on the road instead of the hub.
YOU are the key.
YOU are the hub.
YOU are the one you need to focus on first because you’re not going to be able to care for anyone else in the way you want to until you’re cared for. And yes, it’s hard. We’re all dealing with differing intersections of oppression, trauma, habit, tradition, culture, and circumstance. We’re complicated and our lives are complex.
That changes nothing.
You’re still the most important person in your life, whether you want to be or not. You’re still the one whose needs must be met if the wheel is to stay on the road.
You can try to deny your place. You can try to be a balance point between work and life (as if work isn’t a part of your life).
You can try to put your child first, or your spouse, or your parent or loved one. But they cannot live your life - only you can do that.
It’s your life. And it’s time for you to claim it.