I Don't Care If You're A Good Mom
Are you a good mom? What does that even mean?
I cannot explain to you the depths to which I could not possibly care less.
But Graeme, you coach moms! You support moms! You read about, write about, teach about, am friends with, and have a mom! You are literally THE MOM FOR MOMS!!! So how can you not be invested in good mothering?
Let’s be clear here - I care very deeply about the welfare of your child(ren). I will not tolerate abuse of any sort, of any child within my sphere of influence in any way.
But as for you, you dear mama reading this post, I couldn’t give two shits about whether or not you are a good mom, whatever that means. And that’s part of it - what it means to me and what it means to you are probably not the same thing.
My priorities for my family, for myself, and for my motherhood journey are mine. I can and will share them with you if you ask, but I cannot expect them to be your priorities. What I want, what I truly want for every mother on this planet, is for you to be the mom you want to be.
You want to be the fun mom?
Deep talks mom?
All the kids are at my house all the time mom?
Shhhhh… she’s napping mom?
I don’t care if your kids eat all organic everything or eat fast food for every meal. I care that you are feeding your kids in a way that aligns with your values as a family. I care that you have the support necessary to do that. I care that you have the choice about how mealtimes work in your family.
I don’t care if your six year old sleeps in your bed every night or if your kid was sleeping alone at 3 months. I care that you are rested. I care that you are comfortable and happy with how everyone in your family is resting. I care that you feel safe when you lay your head on the pillow at night.
There is a mom that you want to be. There are things you care about sharing with your family. There are priorities and values that are important to you. There are things you want and need so that you can be happy and healthy.
There’s society telling you all the things you should be and do and know so that you can be a good mom. There are rules and expectations of what a good mom is that have nothing to do with you, your family, or your reality. There’s capitalism substituting your productivity for your personhood and penalizing your for not being perfect. There’s patriarchy telling you that you should instinctively know how to do all of this mothering and that needing any type of support is weakness.
There are mom groups and books and articles and movies and TV shows and tweets and posts and memes and videos and friends and family all telling you what a good mom is, what a good mom does, how a good mom feels.
Here’s what I know for sure. You didn’t choose the ever-changing societal definition of a good mom, but you can choose what kind of mom you want to be. You can choose how to move forward from this moment.
learn how patriarchy and capitalism have shaped your ideas of motherhood, fatherhood, and parenting
create community with other moms who are on the same journey
decide what your priorities are for your family
take action to align your life with your priorities
get support and guidance along the way
Motherload Liberation is enrolling right now. You have until midnight on April 23 to join this wonderful group of moms who are going to change their lives this Spring.
The mom you want to be is inside you. Waiting for you.
What are you waiting for?