How To Ask For (And Get) What You Want For Mother's Day
What was Mother's Day like for you last year? What is it usually like for you?
If you're like many of the mothers I work with the day ends in frustration and letdown. You thought you'd get rest. You wished for a clean house, or a particular present, or a morning to sleep in. Instead you got up early, you got the kids ready for church, or brunch. You sent out cards to the mothers in your life. You made sure your partner remembered their mother.
You gave and gave.
And you ended the day exhausted.
It really doesn't have to be that way. You can have the Mother's Day that you want. But do you know what that is? What is it that you really want for Mother's Day? I hear from mothers all that time that what they want is to feel appreciated. They want to not be the person planning and executing. They want a break from the 24/7 mental and emotional load of motherhood.
I hear you, mamas! So how do we get that? It starts with getting really, truly clear on exactly what it is that you DO want. Not what you don't want to have happen. Not how you don't want to feel. But what is it that you do want?
Last year I decided that what I wanted most was a day off from being a mother without having to take a day away from my family. I wanted the best of both worlds. About two weeks before Mother's Day I sat down with Adam and told him what I wanted.
Sugary cereal for breakfast. And coffee.
Everyone watching my favorite movie (The Princess Bride).
He was in charge of getting the kids dressed and ready.
We would have a picnic in the park where I could play with the kids and he would be in charge of watching our things, keeping everyone hydrated, taking kids to the potty, etc
Basically I asked to spend a day as one of our kids. I gave him specifics and the time to plan. And then I checked in with him every few days to make sure that he was ready (cooler, food, drinks, sunscreen, blanket, diaper bag, etc).
IT WAS AN AWESOME DAY.
Your idea of an awesome day may be completely different from mine, but it is within your reach. How do you want to feel at the end of the day? What needs to happen so that you get that feeling? Who can help make that happen? What (exactly) do you need them to do?
Let go of your mom-guilt. This isn't the time for that.
Let go of your feeling of not being worth the time, or expense, or inconvenience.
Let go of the idea that if you don't do it, it will never get done.
It's time to get clear about what you want, and then ask for it. Not hinting, not sighing, no catalogs left out on kitchen counters or muttering "It sure would be nice if..."
Because here's the truth - you deserve to have your needs met. By your partner, by your friends and family, by your children (in age appropriate ways), and by yourself.
It's your day, mama. Claim it!