Mothers, Support, and Worth

"IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD."

the+northern+(2).png

We've all heard it. We've all said it. But most of us don't have any real concept of what it means. We feel isolated, adrift, wishing that we had the support of a village to lean on. We have a mythical village in our heads - a rose colored half-memory of a time when our mothers and grandmothers did the work of mothering in community. We long for a feeling of support and care that we have never known and all around us we see choices, stakes, demands. In the middle of the afternoon, in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning we think to ourselves for the ten millionth time - why is this so damn hard? 

We think it, but we don't say it. We don't admit it to anyone else - even those we would consider our village. The number one rule of motherhood is to look like you can handle it at all times. Mothers know all. Mothers can do anything and everything. Mothers give everything they have, and then even more. Mothers pour out until they are empty and then find more. 

And we all act like this is normal. Like this is healthy. Like this is what our children actually need. We act like this is what will help our families to thrive - an exhausted, anxious mother weighed down with the weight of the emotional load of the household and terrified of making a mistake that will forever scar the children and bring judgment, scorn, and shame on the family. 

In The Motherhood Survey, 98% of the respondents wanted a different experience of motherhood for their children than what they are living through now. Why do we believe that it is somehow necessary for us to suffer in ways that we would never allow our children to? In ways that we would fight so that our friends don't have to? In ways that we support other mothers in breaking out of? 

Every time I launch a new coaching program I hear the same thing from mothers. "Your work is so important. Thank you for showing mothers a different way forward." When I ask those moms if they will be joining the group they inevitably respond, "Oh no! I couldn't spend that amount of time/money on myself. I'll be okay. We'll figure it out." 

And sometimes it actually is a budgetary consideration. (Which is why I always have free support options like The Self-Care Squad.) But so many times the truth is that this mother cannot fathom spending any amount of time or any amount of money getting support.  I coach mothers through building and sustaining what I call a network of support (the village). I coach mothers on how to rediscover who they are and how to create room for all facets of themselves in their family. I coach mothers on how to define self-care for themselves and how to fit it into their lives. I coach mothers on moving from survival to thriving. 

We know that when mothers thrive, families thrive. Knowledge isn't enough. Knowledge cannot create change on its own, it must be paired with action. So mama, what is it that you need in order to take action? To make a change in your life? 

How much does it have to hurt before you say, "ENOUGH"?

What vision of the future do you need to see so that you say, "YES"?

How can I convince you that you are worthy of so much more? 

This isn't only about me and my offerings. This is about mothers reaching out and asking for help. This is about mothers setting boundaries and standing in their worth. This is about mothers reclaiming their personhood from parenthood. 

If that is what you want if you are ready to make a change in your life, then I am here and I will walk with you. I will fight for you. I will build your village with you.

But I cannot do it for you. 

You have to choose YOU. 

Graeme Seabrook