The Mom You Want To Be
There is a mother that you dreamed of being.
Maybe it was when you first found out a child was coming into your life.
Maybe it was when you felt the first kick or heard the first heartbeat.
Maybe it was while you prepped a nursery or as you were sharing the news with friends and family.
Maybe it was when you first saw your child.
Maybe it was when you, yourself, were still a child.
There was a mother you wanted to be, planned to be, doubted you could be, longed to be. And somewhere along the way that mother that you want to be began to change. Instead of a hope it’s a weight.
Instead of motivation, there’s blame.
Instead of belief, despair.
You’ve come to believe that you can never be that mom. That you aren’t good enough or strong enough, you aren’t crafty enough or loving enough, you aren’t funny enough or cool enough. You can’t cook well enough, you can’t keep the house clean enough, you can’t manage all of the schedules well enough.
YOU SIMPLY CAN’T BE ENOUGH TO EVER BE THAT MOTHER YOU DREAMED.
But you were never dreaming of the things you would do. Not really. You were dreaming of the way you would feel. There was an experience of motherhood that you craved, that you dreamed of sharing with your child(ren).
And then life stepped in.
Everyone and everything around you told you that it was your child’s experience of childhood that matters most. That it was your partner’s experience of relationship that you must protect. That it was your family’s experience of growth that is paramount.
Your experience of your life is important.
These decades that you spend mothering cannot be a time when your life stops. Life does not work that way. Your life will continue on whether you are actively participating in it or giving it away to others.
You will never get this time back.
So how do you want to feel?
Who is the mother that you want to be?
It is time to begin a journey into that mother. It is time to find out some things. Who am I, really? What do I want? How much of that do I have? What am I not asking for? WHY? What am I not celebrating? WHY?
It may seem like these questions are all too self-focused to inform your motherhood. But they aren’t. You have to know who you are, what fills and fulfills you, so that you can know what kind of mother you truly want to be.
The more we learn about ourselves, the more we can heal our past traumas, the more we discover our long lost dreams and desires - the more of ourselves we can bring to motherhood. You will be a better mother if you are focused on your own mental and emotional healing and wholeness.
That mother is still there. It is up to you to decide to reach for that dream, to change it, to walk away from it. What do you want your experience of motherhood to be?