35

I'm 35 today.

I can say, for pretty much the first time ever, that I am proud of the woman that I am. I am proud of the mother that I am. I am proud of the daughter, sister and friend that I am. I am proud of the girlfriend that I am. I am proud of the business owner that I am. I am proud of the mental health warrior that I am.

In general I'm not that good at gratitude. I can always see the problems, the cracks, the things that are missing. I usually feel that I am bad or wrong in some way and I cover those hurts with anger. It's hard to get gratitude through all of that.

For a long time my depression wasn't apparent because my life was, in fact, shitty. Depression seemed like the appropriate reaction to my circumstances.  I was caught in a cycle that I am just now beginning to understand through therapy.

A couple years ago I began to change. I started working towards becoming the woman that I am now. I didn't have this goal in mind - I really had no concrete idea where I was heading but I did know that I wanted to be better.

I started to take chances on myself. I went back to school, I got a new job, I set up an online dating profile.

That all led to Adam and the love of my life, Buddy.

Here's what has crystallized for me in the last couple of days - I was already depressed. I was clinically depressed for YEARS. It wasn't until I had the baby that I recognized that something was wrong with me. Now I can name my demons. Now I can fight my demons.

I am a 35 year old mother of one. I have an amazing man in my life who loves me and supports me and my dreams. I am a small business owner. I am an advocate for women and families dealing with Depression and Anxiety. I am a blogger, friend, sister and daughter. I AM SO MANY THINGS!

I am grateful for all the parts of me and all of the things that I am.  Life, kiddos, is good.

Graeme Seabrook